IT'S A CRUEL, CRUEL SUMMER
Updated: May 8
For what is this world coming to?
What evil dwells here in our days of current?
The sacrilege, the destruction, the careless assault on one’s own happiness
This darkness I cannot take
For what you stole was mine
Your selfish recklessness has shattered my ability to trust
And whilst I was bowling no less!
‘Ling of bowl
My pastime of favoritism!
For it was only a moment that my back was turned!
For 2 glorious frames
I relished in spare euphoria
Only to have thrill and splendor ripped away from me when I see it:
You ate my tots!
You ate my tots of tater
Beautifully crisp and greasy, the perfect bite-sized potato morsel
So easily balanced between thumb and pointer
Cradling the perfect amount of ketchup or mustard or the ever refined
Mayonnaise – a dancing delicacy of oil and egg
Perfectly paring sweet and savory
You ate them all!
Tis not only a remark but a question
You ate them all?
Your great ability to shovel
13 stolen tots of tater
Swiftly down your churlish windpipe
Leaves now my beloved snack demolished!
Your gaping drooling trap
Rapidly mashing and spattering
Tiny masterful spud fragments
Until thou has left none for me?!
I am enraged
In deep calming breath I meander to the table of high top
Where you hover over my empty boat tray of paper
Sending delicious crunchy crumbs flying through the air
As you rub your shameless mitts back and forth
“Uh, you ate all my tots?”
I ask as consciously composed as utterly possible
“Oh, yeah, that was me,” remarks the Tot Thief
As she marches away, brazenly
No mea culpa?
A mea cupla you may not?
HOW DARE YOU!
How dare you eat my tots of tater!
I raise my brow, bewildered and with a sad empty belly
I look to the scoreboard only to see
The the Tot Thief's turn is here
And what's this? She is nowhere near..
Oh, yes, I shall have my revenge
One fell swoop of a three holed ball
sends chills down the lane of gutter
And then another
Until the Tot Thief's frame is the loneliest frame to ever lonely
As she waltzes up unapologetic and unaware
She sees the carnage of her almost perfect game
Outraged, she stands next to me as I whisper
"Oh, yeah, that was me."